Best Friends
by ashby
Summary: A very angsty fic telling Ron's feelings when Harry decides he wants Hermione. Depressing and a bit dark...


Disclaimer: I don't own any of them.  
  
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"We'll see you later, alright?"  
  
Yeah, right. They wouldn't see me later because they would inevitably forget- again- about their "best friend." Best friend, my ass. Someone should teach them the meaning of the phrase because I hardly think the three of us fit that term any longer.  
  
Not with them off together doing God knows what, and with me up here all by myself- alone again.  
  
There was a time not too long ago when we were best friends. A time when the three of us could have conquered the world together. But that all ended months ago. It all ended the day I saw them kissing behind her huge stack of books in the back of the library.  
  
Best day of my life, that one…  
  
Yeah, right. The feelings that shot through me the first second I realized what I was witnessing really can't even be explained. Anger… jealousy… Betrayal.  
  
Betrayal was the biggest one.  
  
Because he knew. He fucking knew that I was in love with her. He knew I'd been wanting her since I was fourteen goddamn years old. And what did he do? He went and got to her first.  
  
He got her just like he's gotten every other damn thing I've ever wanted in my entire life. The money, the fame, the admirers… And now he has her. But isn't that the way it always worked in Muggle movies? The gallant hero always won the girl in the end, right?  
  
Why did I think I even had a chance?  
  
Just me being stupid, I guess. I've always been rather good at that. She never passed up a chance to remind me of this special talent of mine; not a day went by that I didn't feel stupid around her. But I'm not mad at her.  
  
I love her.  
  
God, how I love her. How many nights have I lain awake at night and dreamed of the way it would feel to have her beside of me? How many times have I imagined what it would be like to feel her soft lips moving under my own? How many times have I been way too close to letting my feeling spill?  
  
No, I'm not mad at her. It's not her fault that I never got up the courage to tell her how I was feeling. But him… He's a different story. He knew I loved her before I even did! He knew I wanted to be with her, but it didn't matter to him. Obviously the term "best friend" means absolutely shit to "Famous Harry Potter."  
  
Famous Harry Potter with his famous little scar and his famous little story about how he conquered the Dark Lord. Bullshit. Famous Harry Potter didn't conquer anything; he just got really, really lucky. I wonder what all of his precious little admirers would say if they knew him like I do. I wonder what they would say if they'd caught him crying his famous little eyes out one night in the darkness of his dormitory after he'd fallen down a shame spiral over not quite conquering the Dark Lord in time enough to save his own precious parents.  
  
Well, I saw that. I saw him sobbing until he couldn't muster anymore tears. And do you know what I did? I comforted the bastard. I promised him that everything would be alright, and I comforted him.  
  
Because that's what a best friend does.  
  
And I never told a soul about that night; I didn't even tell her. But I want to tell her now. I want her to know that her wonderful, invincible, perfect hero is not quite as invincible as she thought. I want to tell the whole world that Famous Harry Potter isn't anything spectacular at all; he's just a normal every day asshole.  
  
But you know what? I'm not going to. I won't tell her, and I won't tell the whole world because I'm better than all that. I'm not going to resort to silly gossip to get my revenge. No, I have much better means to resort to. I know how to really get at him. Really make him pay.  
  
Voldemort.  
  
I said his name; are you surprised? I've been saying it for awhile now. Harry forced me to, actually; he said that if we feared the name, we had no hope of defeating the person. I guess he was right, so I started referring to him by his given name.  
  
And you know what? Just like old Dumbledore knows everything, Voldemort knows it all, too. Only days after I felt my whole world fall apart, I got an invitation. An invitation from the Dark Lord himself, asking me to join forces with him and make Famous Harry Potter pay for ever betraying me. He promised me that I'd have high-rank and money and respect and fame… He promised me everything that Harry already had.  
  
Except for her.  
  
No, not even Voldemort could give me her. And she's really all I wanted when it came down to it. I knew I wouldn't be able to join the Dark Side because then I'd be forced to take part in harming her, too, and I couldn't do it. I would never do anything to hurt her.  
  
So, I told Voldemort and all his followers to kiss my ass, and I went on my sweet little way.  
  
My sweet little way back to nothingness. I had nothing to go back to. No best friend, no love, no happiness at all. So, I just went back to my mindless existence and tried my best to ignore them and forget about her.  
  
But you can't forget about your best friend, and you can't forget about the love of your life. She was both to me- there was no getting her out of my mind.  
  
Yes, I'm sure you've guessed by now who "she" is. Hermione Danielle Granger. Isn't it a beautiful name? A beautiful name for the most beautiful person on the earth.  
  
And the only person I've ever wanted to love. The only person I ever have loved. The only person I ever will love.  
  
God, no one gets to me like she does. She drives me mad, and I've spent seven years yelling at her, all the while wanting nothing more than to kiss her and shut her up. I wanted to be the one she'd sneak into the back corner of the library with, but it didn't happen, did it?  
  
It didn't happen because Famous Harry Potter wanted it, too, and he always gets what he wants. Tragic little hero that he is and all.  
  
Stupid scar on his forehead. What's so special about a scary anyway? I can think of hundreds of ways to get a scar and a hundred more ways to give Famous Harry Potter another one. I have so much rage and anger coursing through my body, and I don't know what to do about it. Is it hate? Can you spend seven years loving someone like a brother and then suddenly hate them? I don't know if this is hate or not- I do know, though, that I've never felt anything like this before.  
  
He fucking knew how I felt, and he still went after her anyway. He never once showed any interest in her- never once in seven goddamned years. But why should I be surprised? Famous Harry Potter couldn't possibly allow his lowly sidekick to get something he didn't have, now could he? Of course not. That might show weakness, and he couldn't stand that, now could he? Couldn't show the world that even heroes don't always conquer, could he? But the rest of the world doesn't know him like I do. They don't know that he's not quite as brave as everyone makes him out to be. They don't know that underneath it all, he's really just as vulnerable as the rest of us.  
  
And like I said before, I won't tell them. I don't need to.  
  
Famous Harry Potter will be the cause of his own downfall.  
  
You see, I've known him for seven long years; I've spent seven long years sleeping in the bed next to him, hearing his soft crying when he thought everyone else was asleep. I've spent seven long years being the confidante of the greatest hero our time has ever known.  
  
And I know his weaknesses.  
  
I know the one weakness that can overcome him.  
  
You see, Famous Harry Potter might be credited with tons of little heroic acts, but the one that made him famous- the one that gave him that bloody scar- is the one that still haunts him every night. He's told me about the nightmares- the brilliant flash of green light and the sound of his mother's voice begging for mercy… And I know how close he's come to being overcome by these nightmares; I know how many times he's wanted to die because of it.  
  
Well, it's one thing to kill your parents when you're only a year old, but it's quite another to kill your best friend when you're nearly eighteen years old. Isn't it? You see, Harry couldn't do anything to prevent the death of his mum and dad- what can a baby do? But he's grown up now; he's a man now. He could stop this inevitability, but he won't. He won't because he's too caught up in her to notice me anymore.  
  
I wonder how long it's going to take them to notice that I've gone missing. They probably won't even notice, actually; they'll just find out when everyone else does. When someone comes across the mangled body of a seventh year Gryffindor a hundred feet under the tiny window in the Astronomy Tower. I wonder who'll find me. I don't really care; I just hope it's not Ginny. She wouldn't be able to handle it. Ginny knows what I'm feeling; she can read me like a book, and she always has. She's spent the last months begging me to just "talk" to them and try and sort out all of my feelings.  
  
Can you imagine?  
  
I can't talk to them. You can only really talk to friends, and they aren't my friends. He betrayed me, and I honestly don't want her as a friend. It's too painful.  
  
So, I'm just going to do it. Just do it quickly and get it over with- I'm done thinking about it. I wrote the letter earlier because I've heard that's what you're supposed to do. I slipped it into Harry's trunk; he'll find it soon enough. I didn't say too much.  
  
'Harry,  
  
When you find this, I'll be dead. You know I'm in love with Hermione, and I can't take seeing you with her. I can't take not having her any longer. And I can't take the betrayal that's taking over me. I'm furious with you; I almost joined Voldemort just so I could witness you suffering. But I didn't. I don't want to hurt Hermione. And anyway, I don't want to do anything to you either. I want you to do it to yourself. You caused this. Deal with it as you will. And tell my family I'm sorry.  
  
Ron'  
  
That's all I said. He'll figure it out. And I know it'll eat away at him until he can't take it any longer. Famous Harry Potter's not too great with guilt. It'll be the end of him.  
  
He can barely deal with causing his parents' death. He won't be able to deal with causing his "best friend's" death. So, I'll probably see him soon- that's what I hope at least. I want him to take his own life. It's only fair, right? He causes me to do, so I cause him to do it. Only fair.  
  
Yes, for once, things are going to be fair between Famous Harry Potter and me. For once, we're going to be equals. 


End file.
